there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
