normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
