My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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