having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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