using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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