have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
