Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
