Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
