no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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