i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
