I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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