I'm lost and stupid without you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
