She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
