Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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