Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
