I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
