I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
