Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
