now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
