oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have aggressive nipples.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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