she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
