I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
