absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
