i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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