Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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