I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
