Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
