So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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