there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
