the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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