Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
