I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
