I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
