hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
