i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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