Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
