I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hippo gnu deer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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