I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
