My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
