My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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