We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
