Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
