God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
