btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
