____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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