Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
