Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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