i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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