I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
3pm strippers are depressing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
