On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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